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aikaterna d8f5993fcf [V3 CardsAgainstHumanity] Initial commit
2018-12-17 11:03:34 -08:00

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{
"blackCards":[
{
"text":"Why can't I sleep at night?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I got 99 problems but _ ain't one.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's a girl's best friend?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's that smell?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"This is the way the world ends \/ This is the way the world ends \/ Not with a bang but with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What is Batman's guilty pleasure?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"TSA guidelines now prohibit _ on airplanes.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What ended my last relationship?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I drink to forget _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's that sound?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's the next Happy Meal toy?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with _ for the first time.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_. That's how I want to die.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What does Dick Cheney prefer?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's the most emo?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"White people like _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_. Betcha can't have just one!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"War! What is it good for?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"BILLY MAYS HERE FOR _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_. High five, bro.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"During sex, I like to think about _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What did I bring back from Mexico?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What are my parents hiding from me?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What will always get you laid?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What helps Obama unwind?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's there a ton of in heaven?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Major League Baseball has banned _ for giving players an unfair advantage.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's the new fad diet?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"When I am the President of the United States, I will create the Department of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_. It's a trap!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"How am I maintaining my relationship status?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the moon, the Mexican government funneled millions of pesos into research on _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Coming to Broadway this season, _: The Musical.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's my secret power?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What gives me uncontrollable gas?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What never fails to liven up the party?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What am I giving up for Lent?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What do old people smell like? ",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"The class field trip was completely ruined by _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a plague of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I do not know with which weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Why do I hurt all over?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Why am I sticky?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's my anti-drug?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"And the Academy Award for _ goes to _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"For my next trick, I will pull _ out of _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"_: Good to the last drop.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_: kid-tested, mother-approved.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What gets better with age?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I never truly understood _ until I encountered _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Rumor has it that Vladimir Putin's favorite delicacy is _ stuffed with _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Lifetime presents _, the story of _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Make a haiku.",
"pick":3
},
{
"text":"In M. Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that _ had really been _ all along.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"_ is a slippery slope that leads to _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"In a world ravaged by _, our only solace is _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"That's right, I killed _. How, you ask? _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"When I was tripping on acid, _ turned into _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"_ + _ = _.",
"pick":3
},
{
"text":"What's the next superhero\/sidekick duo?",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Dear Abby, I'm having some trouble with _ and would like your advice.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"After the earthquake, Sean Penn brought _ to the people of Haiti.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In L.A. County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Next on ESPN2, the World Series of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Step 1: _. Step 2: _. Step 3: Profit.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Here is the church... Here is the steeple... Open the doors... And there is _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"How did I lose my virginity?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"During his childhood, Salvador Dali produced hundreds of paintings of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In 1,000 years, when paper money is a distant memory, how will we pay for goods and services?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What don't you want to find in your Kung Pao chicken?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an exhibit on _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Daddy, why is Mommy crying?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"An international tribunal has found _ guilty of _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for _!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the Office of _ has denied your request for _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"He who controls _ controls the world.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In a pinch, _ can be a suitable substitute for _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In the distant future, historians will agree that _ marked the beginning of America's decline.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Michael Bay's new three-hour action epic pits _ against _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"My plan for world domination begins with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Next season on Man vs, Wild, Bear Grylls must survive the depths of the Amazon with only _ and his wits.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Science will never explain _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Science will never explain the origin of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"The secret to a lasting marriage is communication, communication, and _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to _ is a basic human right.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"This season on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls must survive in the depths of the",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Amazon with only _ and his wits.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What brought the orgy to a grinding halt?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's the gift that keeps on giving?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"When all else fails, I can always masturbate to _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"When I pooped, what came out of my butt?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_ would be woefully incomplete without _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"After months of debate, the Occupy Wall Street General Assembly could only agree on \"More _!\"",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Before _, all we had was _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Charades was ruined for me forever when my mom had to act out _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Everyone down on the ground! We don't want to hurt anyone. We're just here for _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I spent my whole life working toward _, only to have it ruined by _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"I went from _ to _, all thanks to _.",
"pick":3
},
{
"text":"If God didn't want us to enjoy _, he wouldn't have given us _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"My mom freaked out when she looked at my browser history and found _.com\/_.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"My new favorite porn star is Joey \"_\" McGee.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Only two things in life are certain: death and _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, _, acceptance.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"This month's Cosmo: \"Spice up your sex life by bringing _ into the bedroom.\"",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Tonight on 20\/20: What you don't know about _ could kill you.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"You haven't truly lived until you've experienced _ and _ at the same time.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"A remarkable new study has shown that chimps have evolved their own primitive version of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's harshing my mellow, man?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Your persistence is admirable, my dear Prince. But you cannot win my heart with _ alone.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure _ for all eternity.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Lovin' you is easy 'cause you're _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"My life is ruled by a vicious cycle of _ and _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_. Awesome in theory, kind of a mess in practice.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I'm not like the rest of you. I'm too rich and busy for _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for _!",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"What left this stain on my couch?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Call the law offices of Goldstein & Goldstein, because no one should have to tolerate _ in the workplace.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"When you get right down to it, _ is just _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Turns out that _-Man was neither the hero we needed nor wanted.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"As part of his daily regimen, Anderson Cooper sets aside 15 minutes for _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Money can't buy me love, but it can buy me _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"With enough time and pressure, _ will turn into _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"And what did you bring for show and tell?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"During high school I never really fit in until I found _ club.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Hey baby, come back to my place and I'll show you _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"After months of practice with _, I think I'm finally ready for _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"To prepare for his upcoming role, Daniel Day-Lewis immersed himself in the world of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Finally! A service that delivers _ right to your door.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"My gym teacher got fired for adding _ to the obstacle course.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Having problems with _? Try _!",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"As part of his contract, Prince won't perform without _ in his dressing room.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Listen, son. If you want to get involved with _, I won't stop you. Just steer clear of _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"What's fun until it gets weird?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In the beginning, there was _. And the Lord said, \"Let there be _.\"",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Wes Anderson's new film tells the story of a precocious child coming to terms with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_ will never be the same after _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow _ at the country club.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"How am I compensating for my tiny penis?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"You've seen the bearded lady! You've seen the ring of fire! Now, ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes upon _!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"We never did find _, but along the way we sure learned a lot about _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"She's up all night for good fun. I'm up all night for _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_ may pass, but _ will last forever.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Dear Leader Kim Jong-un, our village praises your",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"infinite wisdom with a humble offering of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Man, this is bullshit. Fuck _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"You guys, I saw this crazy movie last night. It opens on _, and then there's some stuff about _, and then it ends with _.",
"pick":3
},
{
"text":"In return for my soul, the Devil promised me _, but all I got was _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"The Japanese have developed a smaller, more efficient version of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Alright, bros. Our frat house is condemned, and all the hot slampieces are over at Gamma Phi. That time has come to commence Operation _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"This is the prime of my life. I'm young, hot, and full of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I'm pretty sure I'm high right now, because I'm absolutely mesmerized by _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"It lurks in the night. It hungers for flesh. This summer, no one is safe from _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"If you can't handle _, you'd better stay away from _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Forget everything you know about _, because now we've supercharged it with _!",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Honey, I have a new role-play I want to try tonight!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"You can be _, and I'll be _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"This year's hottest album is \"_\" by _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Every step towards _ gets me a little bit closer to _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Oprah's book of the month is \"_ For _: A Story of Hope.\"",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Do not fuck with me! I am literally _ right now.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"2 AM in the city that never sleeps. The door swings open and she walks in, legs up to here. Something in her eyes tells me she's looking for _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"As king, how will I keep the peasants in line?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Adventure. Romance. _. From Paramount Pictures, \"_.\"",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"I am become _, destroyer of _!",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"And today's soup is Cream of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Armani suit: $1,000. Dinner for two at that swanky restaurant: $300. The look on her face when you surprise her with _: priceless.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Do the Dew with our most extreme flavor yet! Get ready for Mountain Dew _!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is _ ? Zoloft.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Don't forget! Beginning this week, Casual Friday will officially become \"_ Friday.\"",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Get ready for the movie of the summer! One cop plays by the book. The other's only interested in one thing: _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Having the worst day EVER. #_",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Heed my voice, mortals! I am the god of _ , and I will not tolerate _!",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Help me doctor, I've got _ in my butt!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Here at the Academy for Gifted Children, we all students to explore _ at their own pace.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Hi MTV! My name is Kendra, I live in Malibu, I'm into _, and I love to have a good time.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Hi, this is Jim from accounting. We noticed a $1,200 charge labeled \"_.\" Can you explain?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I don't mean to brag, but they call me the Micheal Jordan of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In his farewell address, George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In his new action comedy, Jackie Chan must fend off ninjas while also dealing with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Life's pretty tough in the fast lane. That's why I never leave the house without _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Now in bookstores: \"The Audacity of _\" by Barack Obama.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Patient presents with _ . Likely a result of _ .",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Well if _ is good enough for _, it's good enough for me.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Well what do you have to say for yourself, Casey? This is the third time you've been sent to the principal's office for _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What killed my boner?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's making things awkward in the sauna?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"WHOOO! God damn I love _!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Why am I broke?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Yo' mama's so fat she _!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I work my ass off all day for this family, and this what I come home to? _!?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I have a strict policy. First date, dinner. Second date, kiss. Third date, _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"When I was a kid we used to play Cowboys and _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"This is America. If you don't work hard, you don't succeed. I don't care if you're black, white, purple, or _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"You Won't Believe These 15 Hilarious _ Bloopers!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"James is a lonely boy. But when he discovers a secret door in his attic, he meets a magical new friend: _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Don't worry, kid. It gets better. I've been living with _ for 20 years.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"My grandfather worked his way up from nothing.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Behind every powerful man is _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"You are not alone. Millions of Americans struggle with _ every day.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Come to Dubai, where you can relax in our world-famous spas, experience the nightlife, or simply enjoy _ by the poolside.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"'This is madness!' 'No. THIS IS _!'",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Listen, Gary, I like you. But if you want that corner office, you're going to have to show me _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I went to the desert and ate of the peyote cactus.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Turns out my spirit animal is _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"And would you like those buffalo wings mild, hot, or _?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"The six things I could never do without: oxygen, facebook, chocolate, netflix, friends, and _ LOL!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Why won't you make love to me anymore? Is it _?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Puberty is a time of change. You might notice hair growing in new places. You might develop an interest in _. This is normal.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I'm sorry, Mrs. Chen, but there was nothing we could do. At 4:15 this morning, your son succumbed to _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I'm Miss Tennessee, and if I could make the world better by changing one thing, I would get rid of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Tonight, we will have sex. And afterwards, if you'd like, a little bit of _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Everybody join hands and close your eyes. Do you sense that? That's the presence of _ in this room.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"To become a true Yanomamo warrior, you must prove that you can withstand _ without crying out.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Y'all ready to get this thing started? I'm Nick Cannon, and this is America's Got _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"If you had to describe me, the Card Czar, using only one of the cards in your hand, which one would it be?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I may not be much to look at, but I fuck like _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Errbody in the club _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"The top Google auto-complete results for \"Barack Obama\": Barack Obama Height. Barack Obama net worth. Barack Obama _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Barack Obama Height.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Barack Obama net worth.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Barack Obama ___.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Son, take it from someone who's been around the block a few times. Nothin' puts her in the mood like _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Art isn't just a painting in a stuffy museum. Art is alive. Art is _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"You won't believe what's in my pussy. It's _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's the most problematic?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Feeling so grateful! #amazing #mylife #_.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's a total waste of Hillary Clinton's time?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's the gayest?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"_ be all like _.",
"pick":2
},
{
"text":"Girls just wanna have _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"One more thing. Watch out for Big Mike. They say he killed a man with _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Well, shit. My eyes ain't so good, but I'll eat my own boot if that ain't _!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"If at first you don't succeed, try _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What will end racism once and for all?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I'll take the BBQ bacon burger with friend egg and fuck it how about _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Well if _ is a crime, then lock me up!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"We do not shake with our left hands in this country. That is the hand we use for _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"You know who else liked _? Hitler.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Poor Brandon, still living in his parent's basement. I heard he never got over _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What totally destroyed my asshole?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I don't believe in God. I believe in _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Then the princess kissed the frog, and all of a sudden the frog was _!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I got rhythm, I've got music, I've got _. Who could ask for anything more?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! I will NOT let _ ruin this wedding.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Coming to Red Lobster this month, _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Ooo, daddy like _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Best you go back where you came from, now. We don't take too kindly to _ in these parts.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Summer lovin', had me a blast. _, happened so fast.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"LSD + _ = really bad time.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What are all those whales singing about?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"As Teddy Roosevelt said, the four manly virtues are honor, temperance, industry, and _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I tell you, it was a non-stop fuckfest. When it was over, my asshole looked like _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What turned me into a Republican?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I'm sorry, sir, but your insurance plan doesn't cover injuries caused by _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm _!",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"There is no God. It's just _ and then you die.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"She's just one of the guys, you know? She likes beer, and football, and _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"This Friday at the Liquid Lunge, it's _ Night! Ladies drink free.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What sucks balls?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"I've had a horrible vision, father. I saw mountains crumbling, stars falling from the sky. I saw _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Oh no! Siri, how do I fix _?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Dance like there's nobody watching, love like you'll never be hurt, and live like you're _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Mom's to-do list: Buy Groceries Clean up ___. Soccer Practice.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Why am I laughing and crying and taking off my clothes?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"She's a lady in the streets, _ in the sheets.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"What's about to take dance floor to the next level?",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"CNN breaking news! Scientists discover _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Most Americans would not vote for a candidate who is openly _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Congratulations! You have been selected for our summer internship program. While we are unable to offer a salary, we can offer you _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"In the 1950s, psychologists prescribed _ as a cure for homosexually.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"As reparations for slavery, all African Americans will receive _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"With a one-time gift of just $10, you can save this child from _.",
"pick":1
},
{
"text":"Google Calendar alert: _ in 10 minutes.",
"pick":1
}
],
"whiteCards":[
"Coat hanger abortions.",
"Man meat.",
"Autocannibalism.",
"Vigorous jazz hands.",
"Flightless birds.",
"Pictures of boobs.",
"Doing the right thing.",
"The violation of our most basic human rights.",
"Viagra.",
"Self-loathing.",
"Spectacular abs.",
"A balanced breakfast.",
"Roofies.",
"Concealing a boner.",
"Amputees.",
"The Big Bang.",
"Former President George W. Bush.",
"The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.",
"Smegma.",
"Being marginalized.",
"Cuddling.",
"Laying an egg.",
"The Pope.",
"Aaron Burr.",
"Genital piercings.",
"Fingering.",
"A bleached asshole.",
"Horse meat.",
"Fear itself.",
"Science.",
"Elderly Japanese men.",
"Stranger danger.",
"The terrorists.",
"Praying the gay away.",
"Same-sex ice dancing.",
"Ethnic cleansing.",
"Cheating in the Special Olympics.",
"German dungeon porn.",
"Bingeing and purging.",
"Making a pouty face.",
"William Shatner.",
"Heteronormativity.",
"Nickelback.",
"Tom Cruise.",
"The profoundly handicapped.",
"The placenta.",
"Chainsaws for hands.",
"Arnold Schwarzenegger.",
"An icepick lobotomy.",
"Goblins.",
"Object permanence.",
"Dying.",
"Foreskin.",
"A falcon with a cap on its head.",
"Hormone injections.",
"Dying of dysentery.",
"Sexy pillow fights.",
"The invisible hand.",
"A really cool hat.",
"Sean Penn.",
"Heartwarming orphans.",
"The clitoris.",
"The Three-Fifths compromise.",
"A sad handjob.",
"Men.",
"Historically black colleges.",
"A micropenis.",
"Raptor attacks.",
"Agriculture.",
"Vikings.",
"Pretending to care.",
"The Underground Railroad.",
"My humps.",
"Being a dick to children.",
"Geese.",
"Bling.",
"Sniffing glue.",
"The South.",
"An Oedipus complex.",
"Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale.",
"Sexting.",
"YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.",
"Mutually-assured destruction.",
"Sunshine and rainbows.",
"Count Chocula.",
"Sharing needles.",
"Being rich.",
"Skeletor.",
"A sausage festival.",
"Michael Jackson.",
"Emotions.",
"Farting and walking away.",
"The Chinese gymnastics team.",
"Necrophilia.",
"Spontaneous human combustion.",
"Yeast.",
"Leaving an awkward voicemail.",
"Dick Cheney.",
"White people.",
"Penis envy.",
"Teaching a robot to love.",
"Sperm whales.",
"Scrubbing under the folds.",
"Panda sex.",
"Whipping it out.",
"Catapults.",
"Masturbation.",
"Natural selection.",
"Opposable thumbs.",
"A sassy black woman.",
"AIDS.",
"The KKK.",
"Figgy pudding.",
"Seppuku.",
"Gandhi.",
"Preteens.",
"Toni Morrison's vagina.",
"Five-Dollar Footlongs.",
"Land mines.",
"A sea of troubles.",
"A zesty breakfast burrito.",
"Christopher Walken.",
"Friction.",
"Balls.",
"Dental dams.",
"A can of whoop-ass.",
"A tiny horse.",
"Waiting 'til marriage.",
"Authentic Mexican cuisine.",
"Genghis Khan.",
"Old-people smell.",
"Feeding Rosie O'Donnell.",
"Pixelated bukkake.",
"Friends with benefits.",
"The token minority.",
"The Tempur-Pedic Swedish Sleep System.",
"A thermonuclear detonation.",
"Take-backsies.",
"The Rapture.",
"A cooler full of organs.",
"Sweet, sweet vengeance.",
"RoboCop.",
"Keanu Reeves.",
"Drinking alone.",
"Giving 110%.",
"Flesh-eating bacteria.",
"The American Dream.",
"Taking off your shirt.",
"Me time.",
"A murder most foul.",
"The inevitable heat death of the universe.",
"The folly of man.",
"That thing that electrocutes your abs.",
"Cards Against Humanity.",
"Fiery poops.",
"Poor people.",
"Edible underpants.",
"Britney Spears at 55.",
"All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.",
"Pooping back and forth. Forever.",
"Fancy Feast.",
"Jewish fraternities.",
"Being a motherfucking sorcerer.",
"Pulling out.",
"Picking up girls at the abortion clinic.",
"The homosexual agenda.",
"The Holy Bible.",
"Passive-agression.",
"Ronald Reagan.",
"Vehicular manslaughter.",
"Nipple blades.",
"Assless chaps.",
"Full frontal nudity.",
"Hulk Hogan.",
"Daddy issues.",
"The hardworking Mexican.",
"Natalie Portman.",
"Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot.",
"God.",
"Sean Connery.",
"Saxophone solos.",
"Gloryholes.",
"The World of Warcraft.",
"Homeless people.",
"Scalping.",
"Darth Vader.",
"Eating the last known bison.",
"Guys who don't call.",
"Hot Pockets.",
"A time travel paradox.",
"The milk man.",
"Testicular torsion.",
"Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.",
"World peace.",
"A salty surprise.",
"Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.",
"Smallpox blankets.",
"Licking things to claim them as your own.",
"The heart of a child.",
"Robert Downey, Jr.",
"Lockjaw.",
"Eugenics.",
"A good sniff.",
"Friendly fire.",
"The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge.",
"Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry.",
"Hurricane Katrina.",
"Free samples.",
"Jerking off into a pool of children's tears.",
"A foul mouth.",
"The glass ceiling.",
"Republicans.",
"Explosions.",
"Michelle Obama's arms.",
"Getting really high.",
"Attitude.",
"Sarah Palin.",
"The Ubermensch.",
"Altar boys.",
"My soul.",
"My sex life.",
"Pedophiles.",
"72 virgins.",
"Pabst Blue Ribbon.",
"Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza.",
"A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.",
"The Blood of Christ.",
"Half-assed foreplay.",
"My collection of high-tech sex toys.",
"A middle-aged man on roller skates.",
"Bitches.",
"Bill Nye the Science Guy.",
"Italians.",
"A windmill full of corpses.",
"Adderall.",
"Crippling debt.",
"A stray pube.",
"Prancing.",
"Passing a kidney stone.",
"A brain tumor.",
"Leprosy.",
"Puppies!",
"Bees?",
"Frolicking.",
"Repression.",
"Road head.",
"A bag of magic beans.",
"An asymmetric boob job.",
"Dead parents.",
"Public ridicule.",
"A mating display.",
"A mime having a stroke.",
"Stephen Hawking talking dirty.",
"African children.",
"Mouth herpes.",
"Overcompensation.",
"Riding off into the sunset.",
"Being on fire.",
"Tangled Slinkys.",
"Civilian casualties.",
"Auschwitz.",
"My genitals.",
"Not reciprocating oral sex.",
"Lactation.",
"Being fabulous.",
"Shaquille O'Neal's acting career.",
"My relationship status.",
"Asians who aren't good at math.",
"Alcoholism.",
"Incest.",
"Grave robbing.",
"Hope.",
"8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin.",
"Kids with ass cancer.",
"Winking at old people.",
"The Jews.",
"Justin Bieber.",
"Doin' it in the butt.",
"A lifetime of sadness.",
"The Hamburglar.",
"Swooping.",
"Classist undertones.",
"New Age music.",
"Not giving a shit about the Third World.",
"The Kool-Aid Man.",
"A hot mess.",
"Tentacle porn.",
"Lumberjack fantasies.",
"The gays.",
"Scientology.",
"Estrogen.",
"GoGurt.",
"Judge Judy.",
"Dick fingers.",
"Racism.",
"Surprise sex!",
"Police brutality.",
"Passable transvestites.",
"The Virginia Tech Massacre.",
"When you fart and a little bit comes out.",
"Oompa-Loompas.",
"A fetus.",
"Obesity.",
"Tasteful sideboob.",
"Hot people.",
"BATMAN!!!",
"Black people.",
"A gassy antelope.",
"Sexual tension.",
"Third base.",
"Racially-biased SAT questions.",
"Porn stars.",
"A Super Soaker full of cat pee.",
"Muhammed (Praise Be Unto Him).",
"Puberty.",
"A disappointing birthday party.",
"An erection that lasts longer than four hours.",
"White privilege.",
"Getting so angry that you pop a boner.",
"Wifely duties.",
"Two midgets shitting into a bucket.",
"Queefing.",
"Wiping her butt.",
"Golden showers.",
"Barack Obama.",
"Nazis.",
"A robust mongoloid.",
"An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.",
"Getting drunk on mouthwash.",
"Lunchables.",
"Women in yogurt commercials.",
"John Wilkes Booth.",
"Powerful thighs.",
"Mr. Clean, right behind you.",
"Multiple stab wounds.",
"Cybernetic enhancements.",
"Serfdom.",
"Kanye West.",
"Women's suffrage.",
"Children on leashes.",
"Harry Potter erotica.",
"The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.",
"Lance Armstrong's missing testicle.",
"Parting the Red Sea.",
"The Amish.",
"Dead babies.",
"Child beauty pageants.",
"AXE Body Spray.",
"Centaurs.",
"Copping a feel.",
"Grandma.",
"Famine.",
"The Trail of Tears.",
"The miracle of childbirth.",
"Finger painting.",
"A monkey smoking a cigar.",
"The Make-A-Wish Foundation.",
"Anal beads.",
"The Force.",
"Kamikaze pilots.",
"Dry heaving.",
"Active listening.",
"Ghosts.",
"The Hustle.",
"Peeing a little bit.",
"Another goddamn vampire movie.",
"Shapeshifters.",
"The Care Bear Stare.",
"Hot cheese.",
"A mopey zoo lion.",
"A defective condom.",
"Teenage pregnancy.",
"A Bop It.",
"Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor.",
"Horrifying laser hair removal accidents.",
"Boogers.",
"Unfathomable stupidity.",
"Breaking out into song and dance.",
"Soup that is too hot.",
"Morgan Freeman's voice.",
"Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon.",
"MechaHitler.",
"Flying sex snakes.",
"The true meaning of Christmas.",
"My inner demons.",
"Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.",
"My vagina.",
"A homoerotic volleyball montage.",
"Actually taking candy from a baby.",
"Crystal meth.",
"Exactly what you'd expect.",
"Natural male enhancement.",
"Passive-aggressive Post-it notes.",
"Inappropriate yodeling.",
"Lady Gaga.",
"The Little Engine That Could.",
"Vigilante justice.",
"A death ray.",
"Poor life choices.",
"A gentle caress of the inner thigh.",
"Embryonic stem cells.",
"Nicolas Cage.",
"Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.",
"Switching to Geico.",
"The chronic.",
"Erectile dysfunction.",
"Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine.",
"A bucket of fish heads.",
"50,000 volts straight to the nipples.",
"Being fat and stupid.",
"Hospice care.",
"A pyramid of severed heads.",
"Getting married, having a few kids, buying some stuff, retiring to Florida, and dying.",
"A subscription to Men's Fitness.",
"Crucifixion.",
"A micropig wearing a tiny raincoat and booties.",
"Some god-damn peace and quiet.",
"Used panties.",
"A tribe of warrior women.",
"The penny whistle solo from \"My Heart Will Go On.\"",
"An oversized lollipop.",
"Helplessly giggling at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis.",
"Not wearing pants.",
"Consensual sex.",
"Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.",
"Funky fresh rhymes.",
"The art of seduction.",
"The Devil himself.",
"Advice from a wise, old black man.",
"Destroying the evidence.",
"The light of a billion suns.",
"Wet dreams.",
"Synergistic management solutions.",
"Growing a pair.",
"Silence.",
"An M16 assault rifle.",
"Poopy diapers.",
"A live studio audience.",
"The Great Depression.",
"A spastic nerd.",
"Rush Limbaugh's soft, shitty body.",
"Tickling Sean Hannity, even after he tells you to stop.",
"Stalin.",
"Brown people.",
"Rehab.",
"Capturing Newt Gingrich and forcing him to dance in a monkey suit.",
"Battlefield amputations.",
"An uppercut.",
"Shiny objects.",
"An ugly face.",
"Menstrual rage.",
"A bitch slap.",
"One trillion dollars.",
"Chunks of dead prostitute.",
"The entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir.",
"The female orgasm.",
"Extremely tight pants.",
"The Boy Scouts of America.",
"Stormtroopers.",
"Throwing a virgin into a volcano.",
"24-hour media coverage",
"A beached whale.",
"A big black dick.",
"A bloody pacifier.",
"A crappy little hand.",
"A fat bald man from the internet.",
"A low standard of living.",
"A nuanced critique.",
"A panty raid.",
"A passionate Latino lover.",
"A plunger to the face.",
"A rival dojo.",
"A smiling black man, a latina businesswoman, a cool asian, and some whites.",
"A web of lies.",
"A woman scorned.",
"An atomic wedgie.",
"An Etsy steampunk strap-on.",
"An evil man in evil clothes.",
"AndrÈ the Giant's enormous, leathery scrotum.",
"Apologizing.",
"Appreciative snapping.",
"Ashton Kutcher.",
"Beating your wives.",
"Being a busy adult with many important things to do.",
"Being a dinosaur.",
"Blaxploitation.",
"Bosnian chicken farmers.",
"Breaking nip slip news.",
"Carnies.",
"Clams.",
"Clenched butt cheeks.",
"Coughing into a vagina.",
"Cutting.",
"Dancing with a broom.",
"Deflowering a princess.",
"Deflowering the princess.",
"Dorito breath.",
"Eating an albino.",
"Enormous Scandinavian women.",
"Fabricating statistics.",
"Finding a skeleton.",
"Gandalf.",
"Genetically engineered super-soldiers.",
"George Clooney's musk.",
"Getting abducted by Peter Pan.",
"Getting in her pants, politely.",
"Gladiatorial combat.",
"Good grammar.",
"having a penis",
"Hipsters.",
"Historical revisionism.",
"Insatiable bloodlust.",
"Jafar.",
"Jean-Claude Van Damme in slow motion.",
"Jean-Claude Van Damme.",
"Just the tip.",
"Leveling up.",
"Literally eating shit.",
"Mad hacky-sack skills.",
"Making the penises kiss.",
"Media coverage.",
"Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament.",
"Mom.",
"Moral ambiguity.",
"My machete.",
"Neil Patrick Harris.",
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!",
"Nubile slave boys.",
"Ominous background music.",
"One thousand Slim Jims.",
"Overpowering your father.",
"Panty raids.",
"Pistol-whipping a hostage.",
"Quiche.",
"Quivering jowls.",
"Revenge fucking.",
"Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.",
"Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.",
"Salvia.",
"Sanding off a man's nose.",
"Santa Claus.",
"Savagely beating a mascot",
"Scrotum tickling.",
"Sexual humiliation.",
"Sexy Siamese twins.",
"Shaft.",
"Slow motion.",
"Space muffins.",
"Statistically validated stereotypes.",
"Stockholm syndrome",
"Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.",
"Suicidal thoughts.",
"Syphilitic insanity",
"The boners of the elderly.",
"The economy.",
"The Fanta girls.",
"The four arms of Vishnu.",
"The gulags.",
"The harsh light of day.",
"The hiccups.",
"The ooze",
"The shambling corpse of Larry King.",
"This guy!",
"Tripping balls.",
"Walking in on Dad peeing into Mom's mouth.",
"Words, words, words.",
"Zeus's sexual appetites.",
"A 55-gallon drum of lube.",
"A bigger, blacker dick.",
"A Burmese tiger pit.",
"A dollop of sour cream.",
"A fortuitous turnip harvest.",
"A magic hippie love cloud.",
"A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings.",
"A piÒata full of scorpions",
"A sad fat dragon with no friends.",
"A slightly shittier parallel universe.",
"A sofa that says \"I have style, but I like to be comfortable.\"",
"A soulful rendition of \"Ol' Man River.\"",
"A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles.",
"A sweaty, panting leather daddy.",
"A sweet spaceship.",
"All of this blood.",
"An army of skeletons.",
"An ether-soaked rag.",
"An unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea.",
"Another shot of morphine.",
"Basic human decency.",
"Beefin' over turf.",
"Being awesome at sex.",
"Boris the Soviet Love Hammer.",
"Bullshit.",
"Catastrophic urethral trauma.",
"Crushing Mr. Peanut's brittle body.",
"Daddy's belt.",
"Death by Steven Seagal.",
"Dennis the Menace.",
"Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of \"Friends.\"",
"Double penetration.",
"Existing.",
"Fetal alcohol syndrome.",
"Finding Waldo.",
"Fuck Mountain.",
"Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group.",
"Grandpa's ashes.",
"Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.",
"Hillary Clinton's death stare.",
"Intimacy problems.",
"Jeff Goldblum.",
"Living in a trashcan.",
"Loki, the trickster god.",
"Making a friend.",
"Maximal insertion.",
"Me.",
"Mild autism.",
"Mooing.",
"My first kill.",
"Nunchuck moves.",
"Oncoming traffic.",
"One Ring to rule them all.",
"Power",
"Pretty Pretty Princess Board Game.",
"Pumping out a baby every nine months.",
"Rising from the grave.",
"Scrotal frostbite.",
"Some really fucked-up shit.",
"Special musical guest, Cher.",
"Spring break!",
"Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife.",
"Survivor's guilt.",
"Swiftly achieving orgasm.",
"Taking a man's eyes and balls out and putting his eyes where his balls go and then his balls in the eye holes.",
"The black Power Ranger",
"The corporations.",
"The day the birds attacked.",
"The Google.",
"The grey nutrient broth that sustains Mitt Romney.",
"The human body.",
"The mere concept of Applebee's.",
"The mixing of the races.",
"The new Radiohead album.",
"Tiny nipples.",
"Tongue.",
"Upgrading homeless people to mobile hotspots.",
"Weapons-grade plutonium.",
"Wearing an octopus for a hat.",
"Whining like a little bitch.",
"Whipping a disobedient slave.",
"That ass.",
"Nothing.",
"Shutting the fuck up.",
"The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now.",
"A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus.",
"Cock.",
"A cop who is also a dog.",
"Dying alone and in pain.",
"Gay aliens.",
"The way white people is.",
"Reverse cowgirl.",
"The Quesadilla Explosion Salad from Chili's.",
"Actually getting shot, for real.",
"Not having sex.",
"Vietnam flashbacks.",
"Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere.",
"Warm, velvety muppet sex.",
"Self-flagellation.",
"The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.",
"Samuel L. Jackson.",
"A boo-boo.",
"Going around punching people.",
"The entire Internet.",
"Some kind of bird-man.",
"Chugging a lava lamp.",
"Having sex on top of a pizza.",
"Indescribable loneliness.",
"An ass disaster.",
"All my friends dying.",
"Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR.",
"Spending lots of money.",
"Some douche with an acoustic guitar.",
"Flying robots that kill people.",
"A greased-up Matthew McConaughey.",
"An unstoppable wave of fire ants.",
"Not contributing to society in any meaningful way.",
"An all-midget production of Shakespeare's Richard III.",
"Screaming like a maniac.",
"The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth.",
"Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding.",
"Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.",
"Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.",
"Velcro.",
"A PowerPoint presentation.",
"A surprising amount of hair.",
"Eating Tom Selleck's mustache to gain his powers.",
"Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.",
"A pile of squirming bodies.",
"Buying the right pants to be, cool.",
"Blood farts.",
"Three months in the hole.",
"A botched circumcision.",
"The Land of Chocolate.",
"Slapping a racist old lady.",
"A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint.",
"Jumping out at people.",
"A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.",
"Mufasa's death scene.",
"Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone.",
"Demonic possession.",
"The Harlem Globetrotters.",
"Vomiting mid-blowjob.",
"My manservant, Claude.",
"Having shotguns for legs.",
"Letting everyone down.",
"A spontaneous conga line.",
"A vagina that leads to another dimension.",
"Disco fever.",
"Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick.",
"Fisting.",
"The thin veneer of situational causality that underlies porn.",
"Girls that always be textin'.",
"Blowing some dudes in an alley.",
"Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs to get fifty continuous hours of energy.",
"Sneezing, farting, and coming at the same time.",
"A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans.",
"A sex goblin with a carnival penis.",
"Lots and lots of abortions.",
"Injecting speed into one arm and horse tranquilizer into the other.",
"Sharks with legs.",
"A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness.",
"How awesome I am.",
"Smoking crack, for instance.",
"A dance move that's just sex.",
"A hopeless amount of spiders.",
"Drinking responsibly.",
"Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of the night.",
"Bouncing up and down.",
"A shiny rock that proves I love you.",
"Crazy opium eyes.",
"Moderate-to-severe joint pain.",
"Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers.",
"The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East.",
"Finally finishing off the Indians.",
"Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits.",
"No clothes on, penis in vagina.",
"Whispering all sexy.",
"A horse with no legs.",
"Depression.",
"Almost giving money to a homeless person.",
"Interspecies marriage.",
"Blackula.",
"What Jesus would do.",
"A manhole.",
"My dad's dumb fucking face.",
"A Ugandan warlord.",
"My worthless son.",
"A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world.",
"A kiss on the lips.",
"A fart.",
"The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China.",
"Snorting coke off a clown's boner.",
"Three consecutive seconds of happiness.",
"Falling into the toilet.",
"Ass to mouth.",
"Some sort of Asian.",
"The size of my penis.",
"The safe word.",
"Party Mexicans.",
"Ambiguous sarcasm.",
"Jizz.",
"An interracial handshake.",
"Incredible Facts About the Anus.",
"The secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction.",
"Sugar madness.",
"Calculating every mannerism so as not to suggest homosexuality.",
"Fucking a corpse back to life.",
"All the single ladies.",
"Whatever a McRib is made of.",
"Africa.",
"The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter.",
"Khakis.",
"A gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry.",
"Stuffing a child's face with Fun Dip until he starts having fun.",
"A for-real lizard that spits blood from its eyes.",
"The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real.",
"Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa.",
"Dem titties.",
"Exploding pigeons.",
"My sex dungeon.",
"Child Protective Services.",
"Doo-doo.",
"Sports.",
"Unquestioning obedience.",
"Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis.",
"40 acres and a mule.",
"A crazy little thing called love.",
"A disappointing salad.",
"A face full of horse cum.",
"A giant powdery manbaby.",
"A mouthful of potato salad.",
"A one-way ticket to Gary, Indiana.",
"A powered exoskeleton.",
"A reason not to commit suicide.",
"A team of lawyers.",
"A whole new kind of porn.",
"A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home.",
"AIDS monkeys.",
"All these decorative pillows.",
"An unforgettable quinceanera.",
"An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation.",
"Anal fissures like you wouldn't believe.",
"Ancient Athenian boy-fucking.",
"Backwards knees.",
"Being nine years old.",
"Being paralyzed from the neck down.",
"Being worshiped as the one true God.",
"Blackface.",
"Blowjobs for everyone.",
"Boring Vaginal sex.",
"Butt stuff.",
"Changing a person's mind with logic and facts.",
"Child support payments.",
"Cutting off a flamingo's legs with garden shears.",
"Daddy's credit card.",
"Deez nuts.",
"Denzel.",
"Doing the right stuff to her nipples.",
"Ejaculating live bees and the bees are angry.",
"Ennui.",
"Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin.",
"Free ice cream, yo.",
"Genghis Khan's DNA.",
"Getting caught by the police and going to jail.",
"Getting drive-by shot.",
"Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri.",
"Giant sperm from outer space.",
"Going to a high school reunion on ketamine.",
"Having been dead a while.",
"Mom's new boyfriend.",
"My boyfriends stupid penis.",
"My dead son's baseball glove.",
"My first period.",
"Not believing in giraffes.",
"Oil!",
"Out-of-this-world bazongas.",
"P.F. Chang himself.",
"Russian super-tuberculosis.",
"Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes.",
"Seeing things from Hitler's perspective.",
"September 11th, 2001.",
"Slowly easing down onto a cucumber.",
"Social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion.",
"Some shit-hot guitar licks.",
"The Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle.",
"The basic suffering that pervades all of existence.",
"The eight gay warlocks who dictate the rules of fashion.",
"The ghost of Marlon Brando.",
"The inability to form meaningful relationships.",
"The passage of time.",
"The swim team, all at once.",
"The tiger that killed my father.",
"The unbelievable world of mushrooms.",
"The black half of Barack Obama.",
"The white half of Barack Obama.",
"Too much cocaine.",
"Unrelenting genital punishment.",
"Vegetarian options.",
"Wearing glasses and sounding smart.",
"Western standards of beauty.",
"A bass drop so huge it tears the starry vault asunder to reveal the face of God.",
"Growing up chained to a radiator in perpetual darkness.",
"Shitting all over the floor like a bad, bad girl.",
"A buttload of candy.",
"Sucking all the milk out of a yak.",
"Bullets.",
"A man who is so cool that he rides on a motorcycle.",
"Sudden penis loss.",
"Getting all offended.",
"Crying and shitting and eating spaghetti.",
"One unforgettable night of passion.",
"Being popular and good at sports.",
"Filling a man's anus with concrete.",
"Two whales fucking the shit out of each other.",
"Cool, relatable cancer teens.",
"The amount of gay I am.",
"A possible Muslim.",
"Unsheathing my massive horse cock.",
"A bowl of gourds.",
"The male gaze.",
"The power of the Dark Side.",
"Ripping a dog in half.",
"A constant need for validation.",
"Meaningless sex.",
"Such a big boy.",
"Throwing stones at a man until he dies.",
"Cancer.",
"Like a million alligators.",
"Eating together like a god damn family for once.",
"Cute boys.",
"Pussy.",
"Being a terrible mother.",
"Never having sex again.",
"A pizza guy who fucked up.",
"A whole lotta woman.",
"The all-new Nissan Pathfinder with 0.9% APR financing!",
"A peyote-fueled vision quest.",
"Kale.",
"Breastfeeding a ten year old.",
"Crippling social anxiety.",
"Immortality cream.",
"Texas.",
"Teaching a girl how to handjob the penis.",
"A turd.",
"Shapes and colors.",
"Whatever you wish, mother.",
"The haunting stare of an Iraqi child.",
"Robots who just want to party.",
"A self-microwaving burrito.",
"Forgetting grandma's first name.",
"Our new Buffalo Chicken Dippers!",
"Treasures beyond your wildest dreams.",
"Getting shot out of a cannon.",
"The sweet song of sword against sword and the braying of mighty war beasts.",
"Walking into a glass door.",
"The color \"puce.\"",
"Every ounce of charisma left in Mick Jagger's tired body.",
"The eighth graders.",
"Setting my balls on fire and cartwheeling to Ohio.",
"The dentist.",
"Gwyneth Paltrow's opinions.",
"Turning the rivers red with the blood of infidels.",
"Rabies.",
"Important news about Taylor Swift.",
"Ejaculating inside another man's wife.",
"Owls, the perfect predator.",
"Being John Malkovich.",
"Bathing in moonsblood and dancing around the ancient oak.",
"An oppressed people with a vibrant culture.",
"An overwhelming variety of cheeses.",
"Reading the entire End-User License Agreement.",
"Morpheus.",
"Peeing into a girl's butt to make a baby.",
"Generally having no idea what's going on.",
"No longer finding any Cards Against Humanity card funny.",
"Content.",
"Fucking me good and taking me to Red Lobster.",
"Self-identifying as a DJ.",
"Getting high with mom.",
"Beyonce.",
"Gazpacho.",
"Discovering that what I really want in life is to kill people and have sex with their corpses.",
"A man with the head of a goat and the body of a goat.",
"How good lead paint taste.",
"Dropping dead in a Sbarro's bathroom and not being found for 72 hours.",
"Eating too many Cinnabons and then vomiting and then eating the vomit.",
"Some of that good dick.",
"Two shitty kids and a garbage husband.",
"Pooping in the potty.",
"Bad emotions I don't want.",
"Mixing M&Ms and Skittles like some kind of psychopath.",
"Fucking my therapist.",
"The best, deepest quotes from The Dark Knight.",
"Meatloaf, the man.",
"Meatloaf, the food.",
"My huge penis and substantial fortune.",
"Hot lettuce.",
"It being too late to stop having sex with a horse.",
"Becoming the President of the United States.",
"Microaggressions.",
"Getting the Dorito crumbs out of my purse.",
"The sweet, forbidden meat of the monkey.",
"Consensual, nonreproductive incest.",
"Grunting for ten minutes and then peeing sand.",
"Prematurely ejaculating like a total loser.",
"Jazz.",
"Straight blazin' 24/7.",
"Having sex with a beautiful person.",
"Going around pulling people's tampons out.",
"Reaching an age where barbecue chips are better than sex.",
"Daddy going away forever.",
"Three hours of nonstop penetration.",
"Holding the proper political beliefs of my time to attract a mate.",
"Scissoring, if that's a thing.",
"Creamy slices of real, California avocado.",
"ISIS.",
"A weird guy who says weird stuff and weirds me out.",
"Rubbing my bush all over your bald head.",
"Farting all over my face with your tight little asshole.",
"Quinoa.",
"How sad it will be when Morgan Freeman dies.",
"A cheerfulness that belies a deep-seated self-loathing.",
"Farting a huge shit out of my pussy.",
"Defeating a gorilla in single combat.",
"A big ol' plate of fettuccine alfredo.",
"Brunch.",
"Anal.",
"A women's perspective.",
"A long business meeting with no obvious purpose.",
"Thinking about what eating even is.",
"Doing a somersault and barfing.",
"Trees.",
"Hating Jews.",
"Whooping your ass at Mario Kart.",
"A massive collection of child pornography.",
"Systems and policies designed to preserve centuries-old power structures.",
"Having an awesome time drinking and driving.",
"Muchin' puss.",
"Moon people.",
"Picking up a glass of water and taking a sip and being the president.",
"Critical thinking.",
"Showing all the boys my pussy.",
"Homework.",
"China.",
"Putting more black people in jail.",
"The ol' penis-in-the-popcorn surprise.",
"One of them big-city Jew lawyers.",
"Informing you that I am a registered sex offender.",
"Rolling so hard.",
"Who really did 9\/11.",
"Being turned into sausages.",
"Eating ass.",
"A dolphin that learns to talk and becomes the Dead of Harvard Law School.",
"Gay thoughts.",
"My dog dying.",
"Dominating a man by peeing on his eldest son.",
"Dis bitch.",
"A strong horse and enough rations for thirty days.",
"Feminism.",
"A cold and indifferent universe.",
"An incurable homosexual.",
"The amount of baby carrots I can fit up my ass.",
"Huge big balls full of jizz.",
"Gregor, my largest son.",
"Esmeralda, my most beautiful daughter.",
"Trevor, the world's greatest boyfriend.",
"Jason, the teen mayor.",
"That bitch, Stacy.",
"Gayle from HR.",
"Gary.",
"Just now finding out about the Armenian Genocide.",
"Opening your mouth to talk and a big penis fops out.",
"Twisting my cock and balls into a balloon poodle.",
"The wind.",
"A gun that shoots cobras.",
"Out-of-control teenage blowjob parties.",
"A black friend.",
"The body of a 46-year-old man.",
"Art.",
"Water.",
"Doritos and a Fruit Roll-Up.",
"Sucking each other's penises for hours on end.",
"10,000 shrieking teenage girls.",
"Whomsoever let the dogs out.",
"The chicken from Popeyes.",
"Assassinating the president.",
"Having sex with a man and then eating his head.",
"A burrito that's just sour cream.",
"An arrangement wherein I give a person money they have sex with me.",
"Facilitating dialogue and deconstructing binaries.",
"Taking the form of a falcon.",
"Watching you die.",
"An X-Man whose power is that he has sex with dogs and children.",
"Loud, scary thunder.",
"Every man's ultimate fantasy: a perfectly cylindrical vagina.",
"Tiny, rancid girl farts.",
"Math.",
"Founding a major world religion.",
"Plowing that ass like a New England corn farmer.",
"Period poops.",
"The feeling of going to McDonald's as a 6-year-old.",
"Misogyny.",
"Tables.",
"Feeling the emotion of anger.",
"One of those \"blow jobs\" I've been hearing so much about.",
"A creepy child singing a nursery rhyme.",
"Blossoming into a beautiful young woman.",
"The secret to truly resilient hair.",
"Rock-hard tits and a huge vagina.",
"The lived experience of African Americans.",
"Mental illness.",
"Getting eaten out by a dog.",
"10 football players with erections barreling towards you at full speed.",
"Starting a shitty podcast.",
"Overthrowing the democratically-elected government of Chile.",
"Guns.",
"A hug.",
"Getting aborted.",
"Crazy anal orgasms.",
"Getting this party started!",
"Being sexually attracted to children.",
"Antidepressants.",
"Getting trapped in a conversation about Ayn Rand.",
"Swearing praise upon the Sultan's hideous daughters.",
"Turning 32.",
"Sudden and unwanted slam poetry.",
"A negative body image that is totally justified.",
"Exploring each other's buttholes.",
"You.",
"Quacking like a duck in lieu of a cogent argument.",
"Catching a live salmon in your mouth.",
"Eating people.",
"Our baby.",
"Breastfeeding in public like a radiant earth goddess.",
"Big, smart money boys tap-tapping on their keyboards.",
"Finding a nice elevator to poop in.",
"The mysterious fog rolling into town.",
"Two beautiful pig sisters.",
"Condoleezza Rice.",
"The full force of the American military.",
"A woman's right to choose.",
"A terrified fat child who won't come out of the bushes.",
"A medium horchata.",
"How great my ass looks in these jeans.",
"Raising three kids on minimum wage.",
"The bond between a woman and her horse.",
"Slamming a dunk.",
"Chris Hemsworth.",
"Ejaculating at the apex of a cartwheel.",
"Child labor.",
"An older man.",
"Crushing the patriarchy.",
"Denying the Holocaust.",
"Falling into a pit of waffles.",
"Objectifying women.",
"Everything.",
"A creature made of penises that must constantly arouse itself to survive.",
"Getting blasted in the face by a t-shirt cannon.",
"Onions.",
"Dumpster juice.",
"Forty-five minutes of finger blasting.",
"Film roles for actresses over 40.",
"Having sex with your mom.",
"Having a vagina.",
"Regurgitating a half-digested sparrow.",
"The hottest MILF in Dallas.",
"Some real spicy shrimps.",
"The Rwandan Genocide.",
"The LGBT community.",
"Twenty bucks.",
"The full blown marginalization of ugly people.",
"A finger up the butt.",
"A big, beautiful mouth packed to the brim with sparkling teeth.",
"Getting laid like all the time.",
"Happy daddies with happy sandals.",
"Libertarians.",
"Late-stage dementia.",
"How strange it is to be anything at all.",
"Pooping in a leotard and hoping no one notices.",
"Restoring Germany to its former glory.",
"Participating.",
"Going to bed at a reasonable hour.",
"Smashing my balls at the moment of climax.",
"Making out and stuff.",
"Menopause.",
"The government.",
"The graceful path of an autumn leaf as it falls to its earthen cradle.",
"Tender chunks of all-white-meat chicken.",
"Twenty cheerleaders laughing at your tiny penis.",
"Mommy and daddy fighting all the time.",
"Playing my asshole like a trumpet.",
"Getting naked too soon.",
"A slowly encroaching circle of wolves.",
"A man in a suit with perfect hair who tells you beautiful lies.",
"Seizing control of the means of production.",
"Comprehensive immigration reform.",
"Awesome pictures of planets and stuff.",
"Aborting the shit out of a fetus.",
"A genetic predisposition for alcoholism.",
"The flaming wreckage of the International Space Station.",
"Waking up inside of a tornado.",
"When the big truck goes \"Toot! Toot!\"",
"The fear and hatred in men's hearts.",
"Getting killed and dragged up a tree by a leopard.",
"Eternal screaming madness.",
"My brother's hot friends.",
"Salsa Night at Dave's Cantina.",
"The clown that followed me home from the grocery store.",
"Watching a hot person eat.",
"Pretending to be one of the guys but actually being the spider god.",
"Getting pegged.",
"An empowered woman.",
"An old dog full of tumors.",
"A duffel bag full of lizards.",
"All these people I've killed.",
"Working so hard to have muscles and then having them.",
"Political correctness.",
"A tiny fireman who puts out tiny fires.",
"Albert Einstein but if he had a huge muscles and a rhinoceros cock.",
"Chipotle."
]
}
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